Why Your Child Understands More Than They Can Say: What Parents Often Don’t Realise About Pre-Verbal Autism

It’s easy to assume that if a child doesn’t speak, they don’t understand. But for many autistic children, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Pre-verbal autistic children often understand far more language than they can express. They may respond to familiar phrases, routines, or instructions even if they can’t repeat the words themselves. A child who can’t say “outside” may still run to the door when they hear it. A child who doesn’t answer questions may still understand tone, facial expressions, and intent.

This gap between understanding and expression can be incredibly frustrating—for both the child and their parents. Imagine knowing what you want, feeling overwhelmed, or being in discomfort, but not having the tools to explain it. This frustration often shows up as distress, withdrawal, or challenging behaviour.

Parents sometimes notice that their child responds better to verbal language than visual tools, or vice versa. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Some children process spoken words more easily, especially when paired with consistent routines. Others rely more heavily on visuals, gestures, or sensory cues.

It’s also important to remember that understanding doesn’t always look obvious. A child may not follow instructions on demand but may demonstrate understanding later, in their own way. Progress is rarely linear.

Supporting understanding means speaking to your child with respect, narrating daily activities, and assuming competence. Even if your child doesn’t respond outwardly, they are taking in far more than you realise.

When parents shift from “My child doesn’t understand” to “My child understands differently,” it changes everything—from expectations to connection.